The long road of idiots

Today I came accross many fools, in the space of 10 minutes of driving. Firstly I should explain what a dual - carriageway is, for the benefit of anyone reading this in a non - 'quaint' country. It's not a motorway, but a two - lane road with a top speed of 100 k.p.h. ( 60 m.p.h. ) You can drive your 'carriage' at that speed.

Thanks to a ditherer in a Ford Ka, I was forced to take the overtaking lane - and I stayed there. Nothing behind, as merging lanes were coming up on the inside lane. After all, pulling in when both occur within a little more than a hundred metres makes little sense: it's too hectic and dangerous. Why are our roads designed like this? Good question.

As I passed the second merging filter road, this girl in a Black Fiat Stilo pulled out and proceeded to drive in my blind spot. I needed to pull in in order to take the next exit (this is the ongoing hazard of taking the outside lane - getting 'boxed out' by speeders on the inside ) but she wasn't dropping back one bit. Then mysteriously, she indicated that she wanted to take the outside lane, though there was nothing in front of her! Suited me fine, so I popped on my left indie and pulled in, and she pulled out. Weird though!

Further along in my journey the roles were reversed: I needed to join the Dual Carriageway. Indicated and built up speed. Could see a silver Opel Astra behind me ( 00-D-82324 for dickhead spotters ). I gathered speed as you do. Guess what? - he was gathering speed too. When this fool was happy that he had prevented me from pulling out in front of him, what did he do next? - he slowed down.

I can understand why people sometimes lose their cool on the roads. I can understand it. Thank God I don't drive from a living, assholes would die!

PS: Coming out of the estate I live in, a stupid bitch with jet black shades on came around the bend on the wrong side. She needed to pull into the driveway of a house.

Danone - arsed women

The Danone - arsed woman is a phenomenal species which never fails to amaze me. I'm not sure if they are unique to Ireland, but there certainly seem to be a lot of them around lately. Danone - arsed woman can be defined in the following manner. They are invariably overweight, and most of this weight lodges in the buttocks area.

They can usually be found wandering aimlessly around supermarket aisles, with gi-normous arse cheeks wobbling inside of the grey cotton tracksuit bottoms, on the rare ocassions in which they move suddenly. They bring up their ferral brats to believe that adults should be seen, and not heard.

Danone - arse woman thinks that her obvious lack of a brain / manners plus arse - weight / general weight / dressing like an escaped mental patient can be overlooked. Not only because she is ignorant, but drinks a little vial - like bottle of 'Danone' every day. Yes, it says great things on the Ads., so it must be true! Oh, and they also drive Minibuses ( sorry, I mean MPV's ).

I came across two prime examples of D.A. woman last week - in the one go. I turn at a juntion to find an oncoming Opel Zafira blocking my way. A D.A. woman with big hair is talking to a clone in another Minibus going the other way. I hang back, but though having seen me, the Zafira woman has no intention of moving either in or forward. I duly pull right up to the front of the Zafira. She gives me a look and keeps on talking for the best part of a minute.

I think the rescession is a great thing. Not only will it make Danone - arsed woman get some shape resembling a human back, but hopefully they will no longer be able to afford to drive minibuses which they can't drive.